A Clean Slate

It was hesitation, a deep breath that I decided to return to blogging. Perhaps a yearning for the connection of my mind to the keyboard once more. This is the first tentative step I will take to attempt to return to a hobby which I thoroughly enjoyed and savoured for many years.
 It is with a small but genuine smile that I whisper, 'Welcome back to The Random Life of Aveen'.

It has been 'random' to say the least. 2016 was quite a difficult year for me in my private life. I discussed some elements of this last year in some of the blog posts I managed with great difficulty to write.

I've tentatively decided to return to blogging. It's connected to one of my true passions, writing. I wasn't actually able to write for many months, particularly in the summer. I felt that whenever I did write something, it wasn't of a high enough standard for myself, or it was either too personal or informative on things I wanted to initially keep private. When I returned to college for Second Year, I did write some pieces of poetry and a few diary entries for my own thoughts. I might post some of the poems I wrote (mainly on the bus from Wexford to Limerick) in the months to come.

For now however, my main objective is to get back into the swing of writing regular blog posts. This blog was initially written as a way to explore and express my personality, to make sense of my thoughts by writing them down. In essence, it was a safe haven of discovery, creativity and occasional humour.

I'd like this blog to retain it's original purpose. A place for me to document and discover more about my life and the trappings of real life and living. I cannot deny that 2016 was a tough year, but 2017 in my opinion is a new start, a clean slate, of creativity, positivity and developing self-confidence that I lost in 2016.

 I'm determined to slowly deconstruct the walls I built around myself last year when people who I foolishly trusted, betrayed any sense of honour or personal integrity they possessed. I closed myself off from the world for many months due to illness which has thankfully passed. I want to become the more open person I was. Instead of being overly protective and wary of any negativity or comments. I am filled with a fire in my soul that was non-existent for many months until recently.

With the return of this fire in my soul, comes the return of the writing process. The desire, the need to write follows the spiritual fire of development and self confidence.

This will be a slow process but I need and desire writing about my feelings. I've felt that without writing in my life, it has been a dull time indeed.

Here's to a clean slate of writing my feelings, regardless of the dirty looks on sets of stairs or upturned noses in the corridors. The Random Life of Aveen and Awkward Aveen are back and more determined than ever to be a better person, filled with happiness and tranquility in my soul.

Until the next blog post, 

Aveen x

My Thoughts On Blogging in 2016.

'What are you even doing?'

Those were the words I asked myself, peering through my collection of published and unpublished blog posts. It was quite the shock to realise that my latest blog post was from the 28th of June. Despite making a commitment to myself to continue blogging on a more frequent basis throughout the summer, I am clearly not coming through on this.

This leads me up to the question of what am I even doing with my time. Truth be told, it's quite the valid question. It also made me realise that my own position on blogging has changed. For several months, I began to prioritise other activities above blogging.  I feel at odds with the current blogging world. An outsider to the new culture of PR events, sponsored posts and parties.

Upon my start in the blogging world back in 2013, blogging was simply a hobby. I used blogging as a way to improve my writing skills, technology skills and as a way to make friends with like-minded people. Blogging was for fun. I feel in a way, that this environment has disappeared. The blogging world has become more of a competition, who has the most followers, the most page views, the most party invitations.. In essence, it's a competition of who has the most of everything.

Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure if I want to partake in such an environment. I've adored blogging for many years. Yet I feel the concept of blogging is slightly tainted in light of this new development of the blogging world. I always blogged about ideas and concepts that set my soul on fire, or posted about my own musings and thoughts, rather than what is sent to me by companies.

I do not want this to change, but I feel that I'm at odds with this new blogging environment. The blog posts that I craft for several hours, days and even weeks at a time. simply don't cut the mustard in comparison to heavily sponsored blog posts quickly whipped up and posted. It can be disheartening to say the least. I feel that the posts crafted filled with substance, emotions and simply breathtaking photography or writing styles can often be discarded for posts lacking these qualities.

The change in the blogging atmosphere has led to some changes in my own perceptions of blogging. In particular, how it contributes to my own identity. For many years, I classified myself as a 'student and blogger' yet now, I feel that it's become more of a 'full-time student and part-time blogger.' One of my hobbies is now considered a full-time job by many - which I find mind boggling.

I still want to continue blogging, please don't think I'm quitting! I just found over the past few months that it's quite difficult to continue blogging about my usual content in the midst of endless sponsored posts across the blogging world. Yet, I think it would be horrid shame to discontinue my usual content to simply fit the mould of a' regular' blogger.

It has taken some time, yet I have decided I shouldn't feel compelled to post things, 'just because other bloggers are doing it' I want to try and maintain my own content and blog about what I feel is interesting and what others think are interesting to read.

From now, normal blog posting will resume,

Aveen x

The Random Life of Aveen 2.0

Hey Everyone,

After several weeks of inactivity and inner frustration, I have decided to give my beloved page a fresh start. It sounds like a cliché to call it ''The Random Life of Aveen 2.0'' yet I feel that my life has altered a lot in the past two years since this blog was created - something which should be seen visually through my blog.

When I started blogging, I was a different person. I'd like to see my blog as a reflection of who I am now. A near 19 year old finished secondary school with a lot ahead of her. In 2013 I was 16 and going through a turbulent phase of my life, unsure of who I was or who those surrounding me were either. However, that's all in the past and enough time has passed since.

I'm not entirely sure of the direction I am going with for The Random Life of Aveen. All I know is that I crave change, a fresh start and a new thought process. As you know , I finished the Leaving Cert last week. Since then, I've felt all the stress and worry that weighed heavily on my shoulders for two years rise and evaporate from me. For the first time since I started in 2013, I feel free. This newly found and craved freedom should also be reflected and portrayed here.

I like to think as TRLOA as a new canvas for my musings, thoughts and rambles. I now have the ability to once again think independently and of my own accord. To no longer conform to possessing the same thoughts as my peers for terminal written exams - even if only for a number of weeks - is wonderfully challenging, leaving me in fits of freedom-induced delirium.

 I spotted this notebook while out shopping a couple of weeks ago. I was one exam away from completing the exams. The tantalising scent of summer mixed with freedom was overwhelming. I felt that the quote on the front of the notebook was quite apt for the stage of life I am currently residing in. ''The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live''

I have existed for nearly two years, now my opportunity to live and breathe in fresh oxygen mixed with ideas and inspiring literature beckons so strongly. It would be a waste to not try and scribble down all my musings once more.

During the Leaving Cert in my brief moments of respite, I would scroll through my Instagram feed and always felt motivated by the daily quotes that 'StudyClix' posted. This one in particular struck me. I've always felt that writing was the main hobby that fuelled my senses. I am a writer and always have been. I realise now, writing and scrawling down my thoughts and feelings into the margins of tens of notebooks is what invigorates me. It is the catalyst that sets my soul on fire. I must always write and can never stop. It is finally time to guarantee that I persist in writing. I breathe in words and letters and that is how it has always been.

Have you recently finished exams and felt the overwhelming emotion of freedom rush through your veins? 

Stay Strong, Happy and Fearless,

Aveen x

Bad Blood.

Hey Everyone! 

So I'm officially an eighteen year old. Which, personally is a slightly terrifying thought. I am a legal adult. I. Am. A. Legal. Adult. It feels as though I just jumped from being a thirteen year old to an eighteen year old in the space of an afternoon. 

This blog post is different. It's different for a number of reasons. As an eighteen year adult I feel that I should act in a more mature manner (don't laugh it's a serious thought) and that those around me, in my immediate friends and those trying their best to try break in to my zone once more should try be mature too. 

Bad blood is a feeling of hatred towards someone, if you didn't know. In my eighteen years, I have had my fair share experience of bad blood. I think most people do too. Between disagreements and comments, everyone has experienced bad blood. It's not something I'm proud of, however it happens and I know when to stop a 'fight' and to move on with my life, which I'm quite good at, mainly due to experience of learning to move on to the next adventure life has in store. 

It's when others don't know when to move on. It's when the bad blood boils under the surface is when it's wrong. Life progresses, life moves on and in the words of Stephen Chbosky, ''Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”  My life is very different to how it was last year. It's different in both positive and negative ways. Things and my situations have changed, friends have left, more friends have joined and life keeps going, no matter what situation you are in.  

The teenage years are the most turbulent I'm told. We figure out our true identities and paths in life, we decide who to bring along on our journey and who to leave behind. Bad blood can have a heavy influence on these decisions. When you leave someone's life, that doesn't give you the right to come knocking whenever you fancy. Once you leave a person and their friend group, you're gone for good, there's no 'Get of Jail Free' card here. 

Leaving a person's life doesn't allow you to come back for showdowns or snide comments both in real life or online. Nor does possessing bad blood give you that right. I'm entitled to live my life the way I please. I've made mistakes in the past (Oh I do know that, I don't really need reminding) however just because you know about them, doesn't mean you are automatically allowed to bring them up every time I breathe.

Bad blood can be sad. It can be tragic that people can possess that much enmity or hatred towards a person or group for a long amount of time.  We are all the protagonist in our own lives, that doesn't mean that everyone else is the antagonist. I mean, to possess so much hatred over a prolonged period of time, the hatred must consume a person? Instead of being filled with hope, optimism, joy, buoyancy and exhilaration of life, a person possessing bad blood most likely feels all the opposite. 

I think that's a waste of a life. Spending days, months or even years focused on bad blood, hatred, and trying to ruin another human being's day, week or life, is a sham of how human life should be experienced. Life should be filled with happy moments, not sitting in your room thinking about how much you hate a person. That's not the way it should be. 

I'm writing this blog post for a reason. I'm tired of people holding grudges against me for things which I moved on from long ago. I urge others to do the same. It's sad when people who haven't been friends with me for years openly 'have a go' at me as if it's their god given right. Just because you were once friends with someone doesn't give you the right to openly despise them nor make me feel like it's my problem, when it is in fact the opposite. 

My advice on dealing with bad blood? Move on. Two short words. It's okay to have a little vent once a friendship ends, but continuing to do for weeks, months or even years is worrying and not good for your well-being, nor the person you discuss or have bad blood with. Read a book, sing a song, and live your own life to the maximum, instead of being so obsessed with hating and ridiculing another's life. 

*I heard the song 'Bad Blood' by Bastille, which inspired this song.

 'All this bad blood here, won't you let it dry?

                                               It's been cold for years, won't you let it lie?' 

So that's all from me, I'll be posting in the coming days about my 18th and everything I did this weekend and more!

Stay Strong, Happy and Fearless!

Aveen xx