'I Just Had A Change Of Heart'

I've been listening to The 1975's new album as of late, in particular the song 'Change of Heart'. This piece stemmed from listening to the song repetitively, mainly to the lyrics.



A song can instil and rise emotions from us, the lyrics similar to own feelings. Even the feelings we keep hidden. CoH reminds me of how we all start new adventures with naive ideas and dreams of how things will occur. Mostly, these ideas never quite come to fruition, leaving us alone and not shattered, but feeling defeated.

A change of heart doesn't have to relate to a lover or a romance. It can be a friendship, conversations or events. It can be the change in the dynamic of how people act towards each other or relate to a topic. When one person may foolishly think everything will remain the idealistic way things were initially, without realising another has parallel ideas and thoughts.

Hiding a change of heart until the last minute helps nobody, especially you. Smashing the ideals of how things were with a cruel and calculated expression of face and words is unnecessary. Yet blaming the change of heart on the other is more fatal a blow.

A change of heart can be healthy, it can show you the toxicity of relationships and people you once trusted. The person you once confided in, can believe you to be the enemy and dirt under the hooves of their high horse in an instant. These are the type of people not to partake in company with. The cruel and calloused of this earth should be avoided, along with their evil calculated motives.

Yet, a change of heart can teach you about yourself and the kinder amongst you. To think I was weak was a mistake. I am a fighter, I am a voice, for the betterment of society, I aim to speak up for those who are quiet and silent. I fear causing pain to others, knowing that so many have caused the same damage to me. Knowing the lasting impact of the hurt. Knowing it can be avoided.

On occasion, a reminder of your own personal strength and endurance is necessary and required. Reminding oneself of the events you have overcome can bring extra strength and resilience. I once said that it was the small act of bravery that define us in our lives.

Those small acts of bravery can sometimes be opening your door, knowing what may be on the opposite side of the door, in the wooden hall. It can be going to eat breakfast or entering the kitchen Monday through Friday for a semester. Bravery can be knocking on a person's door trying to resolve an issue, followed by the realisation that no matter your actions, a person can simply be close-minded, stubborn and spiteful.

Their change of heart can initially cause discontent, but knowing the true calibre of a person and their true nature is more important than a false friendship. I referenced this quote in my sixth year yearbook that 'your time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important have the courage to follow your own heart and intuition.'

I had another flick through the yearbook and found a friend wrote, 'You have a voice, use it!'

I stayed silent for months on end. An acquiescent silence should never be imposed upon me, or anyone, by dramatics and crocodile tears. Any attempt to speak out should never be doubted by gaslighting and a torrent of imposing isolation.

You are wrong to doubt me and my emotional strength. You aren't the first to try beat me down with cruel syllables and actions. I won't stand for it. Not any more.

I too have had a change of heart. I'm not sorry. 
I did all I could.

I dreamed the idealistic dreams and achieved a few of them.
I'm not sorry that I achieved them.
I'm sorry that you didn't.
I'm sorry for your indignation and utter hatred regarding those dreams and their reality.


I'm dreaming more dreams of my life and its events. You're no longer in them.
 I had a change of heart too.
 I'm not sorry.

I wrote this blog post a couple of months ago and only really got around to posting this now.  Yet I must acknowledge internally that feelings are real and should be experienced, not bottled up or hidden.

Bad Blood.

Hey Everyone! 

So I'm officially an eighteen year old. Which, personally is a slightly terrifying thought. I am a legal adult. I. Am. A. Legal. Adult. It feels as though I just jumped from being a thirteen year old to an eighteen year old in the space of an afternoon. 

This blog post is different. It's different for a number of reasons. As an eighteen year adult I feel that I should act in a more mature manner (don't laugh it's a serious thought) and that those around me, in my immediate friends and those trying their best to try break in to my zone once more should try be mature too. 

Bad blood is a feeling of hatred towards someone, if you didn't know. In my eighteen years, I have had my fair share experience of bad blood. I think most people do too. Between disagreements and comments, everyone has experienced bad blood. It's not something I'm proud of, however it happens and I know when to stop a 'fight' and to move on with my life, which I'm quite good at, mainly due to experience of learning to move on to the next adventure life has in store. 

It's when others don't know when to move on. It's when the bad blood boils under the surface is when it's wrong. Life progresses, life moves on and in the words of Stephen Chbosky, ''Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”  My life is very different to how it was last year. It's different in both positive and negative ways. Things and my situations have changed, friends have left, more friends have joined and life keeps going, no matter what situation you are in.  

The teenage years are the most turbulent I'm told. We figure out our true identities and paths in life, we decide who to bring along on our journey and who to leave behind. Bad blood can have a heavy influence on these decisions. When you leave someone's life, that doesn't give you the right to come knocking whenever you fancy. Once you leave a person and their friend group, you're gone for good, there's no 'Get of Jail Free' card here. 

Leaving a person's life doesn't allow you to come back for showdowns or snide comments both in real life or online. Nor does possessing bad blood give you that right. I'm entitled to live my life the way I please. I've made mistakes in the past (Oh I do know that, I don't really need reminding) however just because you know about them, doesn't mean you are automatically allowed to bring them up every time I breathe.

Bad blood can be sad. It can be tragic that people can possess that much enmity or hatred towards a person or group for a long amount of time.  We are all the protagonist in our own lives, that doesn't mean that everyone else is the antagonist. I mean, to possess so much hatred over a prolonged period of time, the hatred must consume a person? Instead of being filled with hope, optimism, joy, buoyancy and exhilaration of life, a person possessing bad blood most likely feels all the opposite. 

I think that's a waste of a life. Spending days, months or even years focused on bad blood, hatred, and trying to ruin another human being's day, week or life, is a sham of how human life should be experienced. Life should be filled with happy moments, not sitting in your room thinking about how much you hate a person. That's not the way it should be. 

I'm writing this blog post for a reason. I'm tired of people holding grudges against me for things which I moved on from long ago. I urge others to do the same. It's sad when people who haven't been friends with me for years openly 'have a go' at me as if it's their god given right. Just because you were once friends with someone doesn't give you the right to openly despise them nor make me feel like it's my problem, when it is in fact the opposite. 

My advice on dealing with bad blood? Move on. Two short words. It's okay to have a little vent once a friendship ends, but continuing to do for weeks, months or even years is worrying and not good for your well-being, nor the person you discuss or have bad blood with. Read a book, sing a song, and live your own life to the maximum, instead of being so obsessed with hating and ridiculing another's life. 

*I heard the song 'Bad Blood' by Bastille, which inspired this song.

 'All this bad blood here, won't you let it dry?

                                               It's been cold for years, won't you let it lie?' 

So that's all from me, I'll be posting in the coming days about my 18th and everything I did this weekend and more!

Stay Strong, Happy and Fearless!

Aveen xx

Stay Free, Don’t Go Cause We Don’t Need No Shows''

Hey Everyone!

If you can read this it means I've survived my first week as a Sixth Year student! I went back on Wednesday morning with my blazer, new school bag and a knot of nerves and anxious feelings in my stomach.

It was slightly strange going back to school for the last time, it felt much more real when I realised that the day was my last ever 'back to school day' in secondary school. We got our timetables sorted and had Assembly which was littered with the words, ''Leaving Cert,'' ''Achieve your potential,'' ''Results day'' and ''Points'' at approximate 30 second intervals. As you can imagine my back to school nerves just increased tenfold during all that. (Not fun but I feel most of the year all needed that little DMC)

I have some different teachers this year but most of them are the same. In all honesty by the end of the first day, it felt as if I never even left the school for 3 months for summer. Slightly sickening however I'm glad with how smoothly I've adjusted to going back to school.

I don't really want to talk too much about school in this blog post. A main reason for this is that a lot more people from my school now know about The Random Life of Aveen. It has made me feel much more conscious about what I type here. At first this was a place where I could write quite freely, however now I think that certain topics are either censored or an absolute 'no-go' zone.

It's a little weird to say but two of my teachers mentioned my blog to me during the week. One of my teachers saw me in the corridor saying that they saw the article of Grace and I in the local paper and congratulated me for it. Another mentioned it in class time and wrote down on the white board what website to vote for me for 'Best Blog Post' in the Blog Awards Ireland was and made everyone in the class write it down in their journal. (My face turned beetroot red in all of this but I genuinely appreciate the gesture)  If you're curious about what the competition is, the link is here.

 I wouldn't go as far as to say I feel restrained in what I can say or discuss here, yet it is playing on my mind that there are many more eyes on my page, reading my words and possibly looking for something meaty or juicy to discuss during lunch on Monday. I won't lie but I got that feeling on Wednesday morning at approximately 10.25 am. Not calling people out however I would just like it known that if you talk about people in a large crowd, there is quite a high chance that said person could be 8 paces ahead with quite good hearing. That is all.

I'm quite grateful it's now the weekend, I was only in school for three days yet I feel completely drained.
I will most likely be even worse as the year progresses. Fun times to look ahead to! (Along with a possible coffee addiction) In Fifth Year I became quite dependant on coffee however I stopped drinking it over summer. I think I'll be back on coffee quite shortly though!

To try ease the pain of starting Sixth Year, I treated myself to a new pair of Converse! They're blue and utterly gorgeous! I'm nearly too scared to wear them as they're immaculate! I have a teeny bit of an obsession with Converse, I wear them in different colours depending on the outfit! I was in my local bookshop and picked up ''Eleanor and Park'' by Rainbow Rowell. I'm currently engrossed in 'A Game Of Thrones' ie the first book of GOT which is excellent so after that I'll read Eleanor and Park probably!

All my family were in my house today (Sunday) for a local event in the graveyard (everyone visits the graves of their loved ones and a Mass is said then everyone goes home) So the majority of my aunts and uncles on my Mam's side of the family came up to visit. Needless to say the house was packed for most of the afternoon! It was great seeing most of my relatives, except that none are my age, they're all either toddlers or adults! I seem to forget that I'll legally be in adult on September 26th this year

My Week In Photos!

My Sixth Year timetable *cries*

That's all from me for this week, back to the books for some study! (Did all the homework on Saturday but still have some study to do, it never ends!) 

Stay Strong, Happy and Fearless!
Aveen xx

Lyrics: Gerard Way ~ No Shows 

I started listening to Gerard Way's new album (the two songs released so far) and they're so different to his music with MCR, yet I still find his new songs quite easy to listen to. What do you think? Were you a hardcore MCR fan before they split?

It's Like I Got This Music In My Mind Singing, "It's Gonna Be Alright."

Hey Everyone!

Hope you're well and enjoying your summer (what's left of it!) I'm starting Sixth Year on Wednesday which has left me feeling both nervous, yet excited about my final year in secondary school.

Upon my imminent return to school, I've been thinking a lot about my life, school and also possible careers to consider after my Leaving Cert. It's quite scary to think that my time in second level education is drawing to a close in this final year, as I can still recall my first day as a First Year as clear as anything.

I know that this blog post is late, I was constantly distracted with various things particularly on Sunday. I've been getting ready for going back to school and just organising my exam papers is a nightmare! I'm bringing my books to my locker tomorrow (Tuesday) so I won't be dragging them in on The First Day.

On Saturday night it was my friend Mary's birthday dinner! We all went to the chinese and had a lovely evening. As you can see below, as a group photograph was taken, a surprise photobomber emerged! I asked his permission if I could put it on my blog so here it is! Thank you Mysterious Photobomber!

Later that night I went to my cousin Claire's 40th birthday party (yes two parties in one night!) Where I chatted with my lovely Aunties and cousins (It was a girls only evening) and may have been force-fed a glass of wine but we won't talk about that. I spent most of the evening talking to my Aunty Pauline and Godmother Rebecca about books and tv shows. In general it was a brilliant night!

On Sunday, my parents, brother and I went to the shopping centre and I did some shopping (for exam papers *cries*) but I bought some things in TK Maxx which you can see below.I also got Converse socks (Have an obsession with Converse okay) and they're really comfortable. I bought a new purse for school which is an Osprey purse. Needless to say I adore it! I also bought a Parisian style box which I'm keeping all my notebooks and letters in so they're not cluttering my study desk like they have been doing all summer..

***You can click HERE to vote for me in the Blog Awards Best Blog Post competition. Just look for ''The Random Life of Aveen'' and vote. I promise it'll take less than a minute!

Hello Photobomber!

Selfie! (Shock horror I'm actually wearing make up for once!)

Photo with Casey and Aisling!

'Not Impressed' by Grace

Aisling claimed I'm photogenic, thank you but the jury is still out on this one

Sweets from Claire's 40th!

That's about it from me! Keep me in your thoughts on Wednesday morning as I embark on my last year in secondary school and the start of 'the rest of my life' *shakes from fear*

Stay Strong, Happy & Fearless!

Aveen xx

*********************************************************************************PS !! Grace of Dainty Sprinkles & I did two more Awkward Sprinkles videos which you'll be able to view on our channels. Links will be here when they're uploaded!

Did I mention that I did the Ice Bucket Challenge this evening? It was cold. Text 'MND' to 50300 to donate 2 euro to such a worthy cause. 

*Lyrics: Taylor Swift ~ Shake It Off

You could be doing anything you dream of.. If you believe in the things that make you strong

Hey Everyone! 

So this week was an extremely quick week for me. As I sit here on a Sunday morning typing and listening to Maybe by Birdy (hence the title of today's post) I'm finding it difficult to recall what occurred this week, something which is quite unusual for me as I usually recall everything. 

We had a half day on Monday due to a staff in-service so I missed double religion and also English (yay, but I actually love English) The weather was absolutely gorgeous, so much so I even posted a photo on Instagram about the weather. The day was symbolic that maybe Spring was well and truly here, that the dark, rainy, squally and just generally miserable days in Winter were gone for another few months. 

On Wednesday after school were my parent-teacher meetings, where, as the title says, your parents meet your teachers to discuss you and how you're getting on so far. My parents came home and they were absolutely thrilled, not a single bad/negative comment had been said! -Breathes a sigh of relief- I was quite calm afterwards as I had been slightly concerned about what the teachers would say. 

Thursday truly flew by along with Friday. On Friday my Ag Science class went to a dairy farm at the top of the town (ironically past my house) so at around 9.45am we were driving past my house and all I wanted was to go back to bed, priorities. The farmer showed us around the farm and we all took countless photos. As my uncle has a farm, I'm no stranger to calves, cattle and bulls, but some of the more ''townie'' girls honestly couldn't handle it which was slightly hilarious. 

At around midday we left the farm, just down the road is a petrol station who do what can only be described as the best breakfast rolls and salad rolls ever. As you can imagine, we begged our teacher to let us all have lunch there, which we did! (The other class was on the other bus and went straight back to school without going there hehe) So we all left with simply amazing rolls for lunch. (It's about less than a mile from my house so during the holidays my lovely Mam usually drives me up there to get lunch. Some of the lads even drive up there at lunchtime they love the place that much) 

We arrived back to school nearly half an hour after the other class so I was 25 minutes late for business. My teacher didn't mind as I explained we were later than was expected. (You're meant to tell your teachers in advance if you're not going to be in class due to any trips or GAA matches and whatnot) 

On Saturday I went back to badminton for the first time in I'd say three weeks! I've been given so much homework recently I haven't had any time to go. Needless to say I was really tired (10 am on a Saturday morning) but when we finished up, the weather was amazing. At 4pm I collected my two younger cousins and brought them to my house as their parents were gone to a wedding. 

We watched the Ireland vs France match, screaming with joy and nerves throughout the entire match. We jumped for joy when the final whistle blew (not going to lie, that referee had the most beautiful facial features ever) I got a little teary when Brian O'Driscoll (BOD) was interviewed and was the Man of The Match as it was his last game for Ireland (I also got emotional when Johnny Sexton was take off on a stretcher, I was just emotional throughout the match). A huge congratulations to the team for winning the Six Nations, the selfie they took was just fabulous! 

Enough with my rambling for this week! I posted a blog post yesterday about my blogs first birthday! I guess it was a really good day for Ireland yesterday, brilliant weather, Ireland winning the Six Nations.... and my blog turning one... haha. 

As I'm Irish and in a town somewhere in the South East of Ireland, I'm VERY excited for St. Patrick's Day tomorrow, I've loved the parade since I was a small child. I'll try take some photos of the parade, I'll also be wearing green of course. 

On a final note, happy birthday to the best Mammy in the world, my Mammy! It's her birthday today (the day before Paddy's Day, so you can probably guess that her name is related to that fact) I hope you have a lovely birthday and my brother and I won't annoy you too much today! :D 

Photos from my week!

''Aveen why are you posing with silage?'' It's for my Ag Science project for my Leaving Cert if you're wondering. 

Taking selfies in front of the silage, Ag Students.. 

I was in Tesco on Friday, it's clear they're fans like me! (I bought the DVD and watched the film with a bowl of popcorn on Friday night, heaven)

Another poster in the store! May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favour

Some cupcakes we had over the weekend, yum. 

A photo I posted on Instagram. Clear skies in Ireland? Is it the end of the world? ;)

Stay Strong, Happy and Fearless!

Aveen xx

The Kindest Words Get So Obscured..Between Your Thoughts On What They'll Say..

The Random Life Of Aveen in Photos
Lyrics from The Coronas ''Won't Leave You Alone''

Hey Everyone! 

As the saying goes, a picture tells a thousand words, so I decided to use that saying today to tell all you lovely people about what I've been doing the past few days. 

Photograph One is of my favourite necklace at the moment and a Roald Dahl quote in the background. I keep the necklace & quote on my corkboard because I always look there. The full quote is ''If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely'' It's a really pretty and eloquent quote which is simple to remember, but also quite effective and in way, truthful. 

Photograph Two is of Company Magazine which I bought at the weekend, I love it so far!

Photograph Three is of the current book I'm reading, Will Grayson, Will Grayson which is absolutely excellent so far, only a couple of pages in I was laughing! (A rare occurrence as I usually just cry at John Green books) 

Photograph Four is of one of my favourite mugs, my red Starbucks mug! It holds so much whether I want to drink water, milk or hot chocolate! As it's Mid-Term at the moment it's getting an awful lot of use!

Photograph Five is my homework/study pile including extra revision I'm doing myself. Overall many of my teachers were quite nice with the homework they gave out, but some (cough business and maths) are giving tests after Mid-Term, lovely. 

Photograph Six is my whiteboard and I've written the tasks I have to finish by the end of the week. The only written homework I have left is a summary of what I want to do for my RSR (project) in history and one or two maths questions! The rest is only revision so I hope it isn't too bad.. 

Photograph Seven is my headphones which I use with my laptop (and currently using as I type!) they're brilliant for when I'm editing videos too. 

Photograph Eight is where I've been since Friday, on my bed with a laptop, magazine, USB cables and headphones. It's a brilliant week. 

And finally Photograph Nine is of me (oh the vanity, not) I had an opticians appointment this morning and I have to get a stronger prescription (my eyesight has worsened, oops blame my genetics) so I picked a new pair of glasses and sunglasses! The optician said I'll have them by the end of the week so they'll hopefully debut in my weekly post on Saturday or Sunday! :)

I didn't include the photo of me watching the music video for the 'last' My Chemical Romance song ''Fake Your Death'' because it wasn't a nice sight (tissues were needed to dry my tears)

I'm also doing something really ''culchie'' tomorrow which you'll find out about later in the week! 

Stay Strong, Happy and Fearless!

Aveen xx

You Use Your Words As A Weapon Dear.. But Your Blades Don't Hurt When You Have No Fear..

Hey Everyone!

So it's the end of yet another week. It's absolutely shocking to realise that it's nearly the end of January. It seems like literally only yesterday that we were all ringing in the New Year and stuffing ourselves silly with chocolate and other yummy stuff.

At this moment in time, I'm firmly back to school having been back for over 3 weeks now, time flies when your mind is distracted with studies I suppose. My teachers have been absolutely delightful with overloading me with homework. Today I missed out on badminton and instead did homework. I started at 10.30 this morning and including lunch at one, was finished everything by 5 pm. The absolute joys of Fifth Year. I actually had a lot of homework, I had homework in every subject, questions in German, Irish, Maths, English, Ag Science and History really do add up drastically. Not forgetting the business notes on household and business management.

So I learnt all those so I'm free for a while. The reason I was doing my homework today is because I'm going to the other side of the country (again) to drop my brother back to University. I'm slightly delighted that he's going back. He's been home for 5 weeks (University Christmas holidays are ridiculously long) so I'll be a ''part-time only child'' as my parents call it. So I'm very much delighted that he'll be going back, I was running out of sassy comments to use..

In other news, a supermarket (ssh it's Tesco) opened a new building and closed their old premises. The new premises includes Costa coffee too. On the opening day the place was absolutely full, it felt like the entire town was in the store! Obviously, I went to Costa straight after school and got a hot chocolate with marshmallows and cream which was simply amazing. I live quite near the new shop (it's one of the biggest in Ireland at the moment I believe) so I can walk down to Costa, and walk back up if I want. To me, it's a huge development for the ''small town'' I live in! (PS it's completely awkward when you bump into some of your teachers there, just letting you know *coughs awkwardly*)

So again, I'm sitting here and it's a Saturday night. Another huge development is that I have joined Snapchat! If you want to add me on Snapchat tweet me and I'll send you a DM (Direct Message)of my username. I've already sent some hilarious and terrifying Snaps to Grace but I think they're funny.

On another note, the title of this blog post comes from the song ''Words As Weapons'' by Birdy (who's my age ironically) and what I'm about to discuss has been on my mind for a while.

People I know in real life have been literally trying to use my words on this blog as a weapon against me. It shouldn't be this way, and it irritates me so much that people are spreading rumours that I'm gossiping about everyone I know in real life on my blog (Which I can guarantee is not the case). There are a few people who have taken these rumours seriously, which is somewhat childish as there's concrete evidence that I've said nothing. ''Your blades don't hurt don't hurt when you have no fear''  and another thing, ''Your arm will tire throwing stones my way''  

What's been happening has been quite mild in comparison to things I've experienced in my life, but I'm not standing for it. Nobody has the right to use what I love (blogging) as a method to try ''get back'' at me. I'm maintaining my moral high ground and leaving it at that. 

And on a more positive note, I have my Irish interview on Saturday for the Gaeltacht! Wish me luck! (I've been learning Amhrán na bhFiann and been feeling patriotic the past few days) 

Stay Strong, Happy & Fearless!

Never let anyone get in the way of doing what you love,

Aveen xx

To convince you all to add me on Snapchat, here are a sample of the Snaps I have sent.. honestly.

I'll let the captions speak for themselves!