The Worst Enemy To Creativity Is Self-Doubt ~Sylvia Plath

Hey Everyone!

This week was an utterly crazy and surreal week! I've been studying every night as my Summer Exams are starting next Tuesday *shaky laugh of fear* Due to studying I've been very quiet on the interwebs, my laptop wasn't used from Sunday until Friday evening! I guess it's good that I'm 'weaning' myself off the internet for when I'm in the Gaeltacht.

My awards ceremony in school was on Monday during school time. Basically it's awards from the school for good grades, attendance, sports, music, art, drama, public speaking and lots more. The Principal and Year Head give inspirational speeches about next year (Leaving Cert) and hand out awards whilst everyone else awkwardly claps.

It's quite difficult predicting if you'll get any awards, especially as there's over 250 students in my year all 'competing' for a limited number of awards. I was thrilled to receive 5 awards, it was a total and utter shock! I received two awards for public speaking, as I was a member of the school public-speaking team during the year. One was a little trophy from the school and one from Mental Health Ireland for participating in their public speaking competition. Another was for having a 'Star Journal' basically my journal was very tidy, another was an 'Academic' given only to the top 29 academically in the year, (I was so shocked because there's over 250 in the year) and the last award was being nominated for Student Of The Year, only ten people get nominated each year so I was screaming internally.

I was absolutely thrilled with my awards, I usually get a couple of awards each year but I felt absolutely ecstatic afterwards! Congrats to the boy and girl who won Student Of The Year (Won't name you as I didn't ask permission) you both genuinely deserve the award :D

I had some exams during the week, I had my German and Irish orals (a speaking test) during the school week which were quite stressful. It went well though, I learnt off my sraithpictiur so it went okay! My German teacher even gave me an A for my test so hopefully my written test on Tuesday will be okay.

Today I spent the morning studying, in particular Sylvia Plath for English. I only revised three poems in detail because I felt if I studied more I'd want to put my head in an oven like she did. (Bad pun I know) In honour of Plath and her poetry (which can be quite interesting but depressing)

Afterwards I went to my Cousin's Communion which was brilliant fun. There was two bouncy castle's so guess who went on both? Me, naturally. We all  had a brilliant time. My lovely Aunt gave me the Wi-Fi password so I spent the majority of the time sending snapchats and occasionally socialising.

 I titled this blog post using one of her quotes. I felt that it's a very accurate quote, self-doubt can destroy everything. It's something I suffer from a lot, worrying that I won't be ''good enough'' I feel that it's a huge problem within this current generation. We're all made to feel inadequate in all aspects of our lives, which isn't right. Even a simple awards ceremony like the one I was at this year made me worry about whether I was ''good enough'' to get any awards. I actually couldn't eat my lunch before the awards, I was that worried I'd end up with no awards and was anxious about how I would be perceived because of that.

 I think it's wrong that a girl should feel ill because she's scared she's going to fail. Why are we all trained to believe that we have to be the best and if we aren't the best we're ''failures'' or ''nothing''?  I was lucky, the odds were in my favour, but imagine my self-esteem if I didn't receive any awards? I don't like the feeling or opinion that because you didn't receive an award or the grade you desired that you're a 'failure.' I don't agree with it, especially as it's so prominent in school life. Everything is competition and you're 'inadequate' if you don't receive the best grades or if someone else gets a better mark.

 It feels like I'm in a constant rat race, everyone tries to be the best, but nobody is perfect. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Nobody is perfect, it's an impossible expectation which we are all expected to reach, and feel inadequate because no matter how hard we try, we can't be perfect. Something's got to give. The ideology that we all have to perfect is ridiculous and causes further stress and anxiety, in particular to students. It's a marathon, not a sprint which is something everyone needs to remember.

So that's about it from me this week, I'll be spending the rest of the weekend studying, thankfully my exams begin on Tuesday and end on Thursday, then the summer holidays begin then I'm gone for three weeks to speak Irish in Galway, oops. 

 If you're doing exams, best of luck! You'll be grand!

Stay Strong, Happy & Fearless!

Aveen xx

Photo's from my week!

Selfie with my cousin..

I stole my brother's phone and sent snapchats to all his friends.. 

Selfie with The Sibling. I hope I got better genes.. ;)

Beside one of the bouncy castles!

My awards from the awards ceremony. *cries because shock*

One of my snaps

A random selfie with Dad. I think he'll have to practise the whole selfie thing.. 

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