A New Chapter of The Random Life of Aveen

Hesitation and uncertainty plague my mind, as I begin to slowly type my thoughts once more on the keyboard. The Blogger symbol lingers in the corner of my eye as I stare wistfully at the blank title space. 

For a girl who used to blog every consecutive week without fail, planned blog posts up to a month in advance, this feels like home. Viewing my blog design which I created when I was seventeen. I recall being so proud of the design which I created by pouring hours of endless free time into a design app. Gazing at the design now, I can't help but feel like it was created by a different person.

Perhaps, I have been so focused on blogging in the way I used to. So determined to go back to 'the way things were, the way my blog was initially.' It has taken me two years to realise that I am not the same person I was when I first started this blog. When I first began writing under The Random Life of Aveen, I was sixteen years of age, bored and unsure of where life was leading me to. I had surplus and never-ending amounts of time to wonder and consider so many aspects of life. I was naive enough to type all my thoughts for the world to see.

Fast forward to 2016, and everything is irrevocably different. A sixteen year old girl grew into a near 21 year old; a second year finished in college, pursuing the course I dreamt of since childhood. In ways such as this, the dreams and hopes of The Random Life of Aveen are very much completed. Endless blog posts from 2013-2015 detail my determination to get to where I am now.

And now, I actually am where I want to be. I tried getting back into blogging this time last year yet I was stuck at a series of crossroads. With so many decisions to take, based on quite awful events that happened to me in the space of a few weeks.

This time last year, I had finished my first year in college, unsure of who my friends were there, betrayed by people who I thought were kind. I also became quite sick both during my exams and after my exams. I was in so much shock I never discussed this illness on my blog. Even now, the trip to A&E and endless appointments for dressings seem like a vague blur. Yet the biggest blow was the death of my Nana, my last living grandparent, who passed away at the same time I became ill.

I persevered through the summer of 2016, trying to meet up with my friends and worked my summer job. I was going through the motions, but my head and soul wasn't really there. It was spinning and reeling from those consecutive events which hurt me physically and emotionally.

Returning to college in September, I was unsure of most things in my life. However, I was lucky enough to meet a lovely bunch of girls who let me into their social group and I became one of them. My second year in college was undoubtedly much better than my first. I knew who would be my friend - and those who wouldn't. I regained the confidence I had lost.

To have genuine reasons for smiling - for the first time in months, was utterly spectacular. There were bumps in the road but I managed to get through them. The year was a blur, a myriad and collection of fun, happiness, comfort and excitement.

This all brings me to now, the present day. The end of May 2017. I'm free for the summer to enjoy my time off college. I'm back to my summer job and I can't help but feel relieved that this summer is shaping up to be far better than the last.

With events such as finally applying for my provisional driving licence, (something which I had to delay due to illness last year), going to gigs and concerts such as Keith Barry, Green Day, Indiependence and family events - I can't help but feel excitement, joy and optimism for the upcoming months.

My mind is nearing peace, with concrete plans and no limits. I'm excited and looking forward to the summer months ahead of me, which I hope to write about on the Random Life of Aveen.

Life changes and I must readily accept that this blog changes as my life does too.

With love,

A Clean Slate

It was hesitation, a deep breath that I decided to return to blogging. Perhaps a yearning for the connection of my mind to the keyboard once more. This is the first tentative step I will take to attempt to return to a hobby which I thoroughly enjoyed and savoured for many years.
 It is with a small but genuine smile that I whisper, 'Welcome back to The Random Life of Aveen'.

It has been 'random' to say the least. 2016 was quite a difficult year for me in my private life. I discussed some elements of this last year in some of the blog posts I managed with great difficulty to write.

I've tentatively decided to return to blogging. It's connected to one of my true passions, writing. I wasn't actually able to write for many months, particularly in the summer. I felt that whenever I did write something, it wasn't of a high enough standard for myself, or it was either too personal or informative on things I wanted to initially keep private. When I returned to college for Second Year, I did write some pieces of poetry and a few diary entries for my own thoughts. I might post some of the poems I wrote (mainly on the bus from Wexford to Limerick) in the months to come.

For now however, my main objective is to get back into the swing of writing regular blog posts. This blog was initially written as a way to explore and express my personality, to make sense of my thoughts by writing them down. In essence, it was a safe haven of discovery, creativity and occasional humour.

I'd like this blog to retain it's original purpose. A place for me to document and discover more about my life and the trappings of real life and living. I cannot deny that 2016 was a tough year, but 2017 in my opinion is a new start, a clean slate, of creativity, positivity and developing self-confidence that I lost in 2016.

 I'm determined to slowly deconstruct the walls I built around myself last year when people who I foolishly trusted, betrayed any sense of honour or personal integrity they possessed. I closed myself off from the world for many months due to illness which has thankfully passed. I want to become the more open person I was. Instead of being overly protective and wary of any negativity or comments. I am filled with a fire in my soul that was non-existent for many months until recently.

With the return of this fire in my soul, comes the return of the writing process. The desire, the need to write follows the spiritual fire of development and self confidence.

This will be a slow process but I need and desire writing about my feelings. I've felt that without writing in my life, it has been a dull time indeed.

Here's to a clean slate of writing my feelings, regardless of the dirty looks on sets of stairs or upturned noses in the corridors. The Random Life of Aveen and Awkward Aveen are back and more determined than ever to be a better person, filled with happiness and tranquility in my soul.

Until the next blog post, 

Aveen x

Back to College Stationery Haul!

It's officially that time of year again - preparing to go back to school or college! You might be thinking, ''I still have a month of left my holidays, leave me alone Aveen!'' yet I feel you can never prepare too early for going back in September. 

As I will be starting my second year in college, I now realise what stationery I actually need for my college course (primary teaching). Last year I went slightly insane buying every and any piece of stationery I could place my hands on. (Including a page hole puncher which I have not yet used). This year however, I was more sensible thankfully! 

To start with, I bought a school bag from the Roxy website. Even when I was in secondary school I always had to have a Roxy school bag. I found them so spacious, stylish and comfy to lug my heavy books around in. Needless to say, this ethos hasn't changed so I bought a floral patterned bag this year. Funnily enough, the bag matches the pencil case I bought in Penneys/Primark! (not in that photo but in normal daylight they match). 

For lectures and tutorials I always bring refill pads to write notes or to occasionally doodle. I tend to buy refill pads with dividers in them and you can label each section according to each subject. Due to the amount of modules I study each semester I usually need 2 refill pads with 5 dividers in each. I find it a lot easier coming up to exam and assignment time to study as I know where my notes are. 

I picked up some sticky tape with dispensers (you never know when they will come in handy). I got two so I have one for my bedroom at home and one for my room in Limerick. Likewise I bought two sets of sticky notes so I won't have to carry extra things around when I'm travelling to-and-from at the weekends. 

Blue tack is also a great investment to get. I found I went through a lot of blue tack when I was teaching on placement last semester. As a result I keep blue tack with me at all times during college time. 

I also bought two lever-arch folders for future placements later on in the college term, along with the poly-pockets to go in the folders. Sharpies were also on special offer in Tesco (where I also got the majority of my stationery, their section of stationery is just a dream!) so I picked a pack of them up, along with pens, pencils, an eraser and highlighters. 

I also find that light plastic folders are great for keeping any hand-outs or notes you might be given in tutorials or lectures. Depending on the subject, I could get several handouts from my tutors or lecturers. Keeping them in the small plastic folder is great especially coming up to exam time as you know exactly where the notes are. 

I also picked up two smaller notepads, one will be for writing down my 'homework' or my to-do list whilst in college. In some lectures we're asked to study readings in advance of the next tutorial or lecture so I'll most likely write down the necessary information in one of the notepads so I can keep on top of my work. 

I hope this has helped anyone starting college as a guiding point for what to buy as regards to stationery. If you aren't sure what to get (regardless of your college course) a refill pad and a few pens/pencils is always an excellent starting point. I think with my course I go through a lot more stationery than the average college student, I feel as though I spend the college year just stocking up on stationery!

Have you gotten any cute stationery or notebooks for going back to school or college?
Send me a snap (SC: awkwardaveen), tweet me or let me know in the comments!

Aveen x

Madame Tussauds in London

As well as the Making of Harry Potter Studio Tour all the way back in the month of May, The Sibling and I crammed in a visit to Madame Tussauds in London. This post was actually compiled back in late May/early June yet is being posted in July! Logic?

 To say I got giddy taking photographs with waxworks of people I idolise, is an understatement. I had a brilliant morning screeching and running over to waxworks and taking photographs.

They say a picture speaks a thousand words, here's 13 for you to digest! There were many more photos from different waxworks, however these were my favourites. 

Aveen x x

With the waxwork of the wonderful Benedict Cumberbatch. Maybe someday I'll met the real Ben.

Jennifer Lawrence/Katniss Everdeen - all the goals

'Tom Cruise, you'll never be Jack Reacher, you're not even tall enough!'

My Thoughts On Blogging in 2016.

'What are you even doing?'

Those were the words I asked myself, peering through my collection of published and unpublished blog posts. It was quite the shock to realise that my latest blog post was from the 28th of June. Despite making a commitment to myself to continue blogging on a more frequent basis throughout the summer, I am clearly not coming through on this.

This leads me up to the question of what am I even doing with my time. Truth be told, it's quite the valid question. It also made me realise that my own position on blogging has changed. For several months, I began to prioritise other activities above blogging.  I feel at odds with the current blogging world. An outsider to the new culture of PR events, sponsored posts and parties.

Upon my start in the blogging world back in 2013, blogging was simply a hobby. I used blogging as a way to improve my writing skills, technology skills and as a way to make friends with like-minded people. Blogging was for fun. I feel in a way, that this environment has disappeared. The blogging world has become more of a competition, who has the most followers, the most page views, the most party invitations.. In essence, it's a competition of who has the most of everything.

Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure if I want to partake in such an environment. I've adored blogging for many years. Yet I feel the concept of blogging is slightly tainted in light of this new development of the blogging world. I always blogged about ideas and concepts that set my soul on fire, or posted about my own musings and thoughts, rather than what is sent to me by companies.

I do not want this to change, but I feel that I'm at odds with this new blogging environment. The blog posts that I craft for several hours, days and even weeks at a time. simply don't cut the mustard in comparison to heavily sponsored blog posts quickly whipped up and posted. It can be disheartening to say the least. I feel that the posts crafted filled with substance, emotions and simply breathtaking photography or writing styles can often be discarded for posts lacking these qualities.

The change in the blogging atmosphere has led to some changes in my own perceptions of blogging. In particular, how it contributes to my own identity. For many years, I classified myself as a 'student and blogger' yet now, I feel that it's become more of a 'full-time student and part-time blogger.' One of my hobbies is now considered a full-time job by many - which I find mind boggling.

I still want to continue blogging, please don't think I'm quitting! I just found over the past few months that it's quite difficult to continue blogging about my usual content in the midst of endless sponsored posts across the blogging world. Yet, I think it would be horrid shame to discontinue my usual content to simply fit the mould of a' regular' blogger.

It has taken some time, yet I have decided I shouldn't feel compelled to post things, 'just because other bloggers are doing it' I want to try and maintain my own content and blog about what I feel is interesting and what others think are interesting to read.

From now, normal blog posting will resume,

Aveen x

'I Just Had A Change Of Heart'

I've been listening to The 1975's new album as of late, in particular the song 'Change of Heart'. This piece stemmed from listening to the song repetitively, mainly to the lyrics.



A song can instil and rise emotions from us, the lyrics similar to own feelings. Even the feelings we keep hidden. CoH reminds me of how we all start new adventures with naive ideas and dreams of how things will occur. Mostly, these ideas never quite come to fruition, leaving us alone and not shattered, but feeling defeated.

A change of heart doesn't have to relate to a lover or a romance. It can be a friendship, conversations or events. It can be the change in the dynamic of how people act towards each other or relate to a topic. When one person may foolishly think everything will remain the idealistic way things were initially, without realising another has parallel ideas and thoughts.

Hiding a change of heart until the last minute helps nobody, especially you. Smashing the ideals of how things were with a cruel and calculated expression of face and words is unnecessary. Yet blaming the change of heart on the other is more fatal a blow.

A change of heart can be healthy, it can show you the toxicity of relationships and people you once trusted. The person you once confided in, can believe you to be the enemy and dirt under the hooves of their high horse in an instant. These are the type of people not to partake in company with. The cruel and calloused of this earth should be avoided, along with their evil calculated motives.

Yet, a change of heart can teach you about yourself and the kinder amongst you. To think I was weak was a mistake. I am a fighter, I am a voice, for the betterment of society, I aim to speak up for those who are quiet and silent. I fear causing pain to others, knowing that so many have caused the same damage to me. Knowing the lasting impact of the hurt. Knowing it can be avoided.

On occasion, a reminder of your own personal strength and endurance is necessary and required. Reminding oneself of the events you have overcome can bring extra strength and resilience. I once said that it was the small act of bravery that define us in our lives.

Those small acts of bravery can sometimes be opening your door, knowing what may be on the opposite side of the door, in the wooden hall. It can be going to eat breakfast or entering the kitchen Monday through Friday for a semester. Bravery can be knocking on a person's door trying to resolve an issue, followed by the realisation that no matter your actions, a person can simply be close-minded, stubborn and spiteful.

Their change of heart can initially cause discontent, but knowing the true calibre of a person and their true nature is more important than a false friendship. I referenced this quote in my sixth year yearbook that 'your time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important have the courage to follow your own heart and intuition.'

I had another flick through the yearbook and found a friend wrote, 'You have a voice, use it!'

I stayed silent for months on end. An acquiescent silence should never be imposed upon me, or anyone, by dramatics and crocodile tears. Any attempt to speak out should never be doubted by gaslighting and a torrent of imposing isolation.

You are wrong to doubt me and my emotional strength. You aren't the first to try beat me down with cruel syllables and actions. I won't stand for it. Not any more.

I too have had a change of heart. I'm not sorry. 
I did all I could.

I dreamed the idealistic dreams and achieved a few of them.
I'm not sorry that I achieved them.
I'm sorry that you didn't.
I'm sorry for your indignation and utter hatred regarding those dreams and their reality.


I'm dreaming more dreams of my life and its events. You're no longer in them.
 I had a change of heart too.
 I'm not sorry.

I wrote this blog post a couple of months ago and only really got around to posting this now.  Yet I must acknowledge internally that feelings are real and should be experienced, not bottled up or hidden.

To my Nana.

Born in the year of the assassination of Michael Collins and the formation of the Irish Free State, 

my Nana lived through a time of great change and history, not only in Ireland but globally.

She viewed a rich tapestry of world history throughout her life that we now can only read of in books or view in faded black and white photographs.

Nana wouldn't have been impressed that I started this ode by mentioning the name of Michael Collins. A woman from a staunchly pro- De Valera household, the thought of the current history books teaching the praises of Collins and the flaws of de Valera was a shock to her. One particular afternoon just after my Leaving Cert, I sat with her and discussed Irish history and the change in the opinions of school history books. 

This wasn't new. My childhood conversations with my Nana revolved around conversations of 'The Emergency' as the Second World War was called in Ireland,, ration books, Eamon de Valera, Michael Collins, tales of the evils of the Black and Tans and everything in between. 

As a child, history was a massive passion for me. Having a Nana that lived through what I read in the history books in school never ceased to amaze me. Having a person who lived in the eras that we learned about in school and talking to my Nana about these events was truly magical.

The opportunity to discuss events with my Nana who lived through such a time of societal change and advancement was a privilege to say the least.  

Yet, these wonderful people can't live forever. Ní bhíonn in aon rud ach seal.

 Despite our wishes, the people who experienced decades of history and life, fall ill and must depart this life. One of these people was recently my Nana who passed away on June 12th 2016. 

June 12th always was important for me, it was the day that my childhood idol, Anne Frank was born on in 1929 and it's the anniversary of my parent's wedding, this year being their 25th. With all these reminders, I highly doubt I'll ever forget the date. 

No matter how old our grandparents and other loved ones are, we never really want to let them go. Even if they are 94, we can't bear with the thought of saying goodbye. Because saying goodbye means that it is the end, that it is in essence, over. 

Yet it can never be over. A life may end in the physical sense, the heartbeat that was so strong may have ended.
But they live on in the memories of others.
Flashes of sporadic memories, picking weeds in childhood, to hospital visits and various discussions related to history. 

The thought that when I visit, Nana won't be lying on the sofa is a strange concept. That she is gone is well frankly, upsetting.

The phrase, 'an end of an era' was a phrase thrown around for days afterwards. it was quite true. 94 years was a long time, a life containing a wealth of knowledge, memories and recollections.

A myriad of memories have come back to the fore in my mind, both old and new. The oldest are just as emotionally intense as the new ones.

We must preserve these memories and keep them safe. Cherish the times you have with your loved ones, because they could be taken away from you as quickly as anything.

It is with a lump in my throat and a heavy heart that I must say goodbye to my Nana

Ar dheis Dé go raibh a h-anam
Slán. 

The Making of Harry Potter Studio Tour

Last week, The Sibling and I flew from Dublin to London for a couple of days. This was the result of a random and a sporadic idea a couple of months ago. The last time I travelled to London was around three years ago when I was sixteen in Transition Year so I felt it was time to pay a visit once more. 

On the first day, we travelled to the Warner Bros Studio Tour London which is the Making of Harry Potter. My brother and I have been fans of Harry Potter since we were children. I can recall being read 'The Philosopher's Stone' by my Mam when I was around four or five. Summers in my childhood were dominated by the latest Harry Potter book release, either reading the books myself or asking my Mam to read them, aswell as watching the latest film and listening to the audio books. 

Halloween in childhood was for dressing up as my idol, Hermione Granger. The smart, intelligent girl who many never took seriously or liked, even though she was always correct. She was also kind and caring but still managed to put those who wronged her in their place. (Hermione punching Draco Malfoy in the Prisoner of Azkaban was goals). As a child in primary school, I related a lot to Hermione, I felt out of place and at odds with my school environment despite flourishing academically. However, reading the books brought me strength, In essence, Harry Potter had a huge effect on my character and personality and helped mould me into who I am now. 

Which is why I felt it was time to pay a visit to the Studio Tour in the UK. 

A nice trip back into childhood can be a wonderful experience as I found out. The magic never really leaves you. The Sibling and I got the Harry Potter bus from the nearby station to the studio. As soon as we walked in the doors, the magic of Harry Potter burst back into our lives quicker than you could say alohomora. 

In total, we spent around 3 hours between the studio tour and the giftshop. Between us, The Sibling and I took over 300+ photos, a small selection of which are included here. To say I enjoyed the experience is an understatement. To see where the films were shot, the actual props used and find out little nuggets of information was worth everything. I felt like a child going around looking at the sets. I succumbed to fits of excitement and giggles, especially upon seeing The Knight Bus and tasting Butterbeer ice-cream! (Also seeing the Hogwarts Express as the video above illustrates) 

Have you ever been to the Harry Potter Studio Tour? What did you think of it?

Let me know, in the comments or tweet me!

Mischief Managed,

Aveen. 

An Ghaeltacht

Hey Everyone!

I've been absent for a little while due to study, exams and a two week trip to the Gaeltacht in Kerry! The Gaeltacht course is compulsory when you study to be a primary school teacher.  I spent a fortnight in Feothanach i Corca Dhuibhne. To say it was a great experience is an understatement. I really enjoyed the trip and I was so lucky to be surrounded by such lovely people. 

This blog post will be quite photo heavy so I'll let the photos do the talking, after all, a picture speaks a thousand words. I've included some random selfies as well photographs of the beautiful scenery I witnessed over the two weeks. 

Among some of the activities I did: 

Taking part in Darkness into Light for Pieta House in Dingle

Visited the aquarium in Dingle

Visited the Blasket Islands

Visited the beach in Muiríoch on the last day

Took lots of photographs and generally acted like a tourist

The beach in Muiríoch

Bhain mé idir taitneamh agus tairbhe as an gcoicís gan amhras. 

An raibh tú riamh as Ghaeltacht? Inis dom! 

Le ghrá,

Aveen xx