A Two Month Gap & Start of Everything New

Hey Everyone,

It's been a long time. I haven't forgotten about TRLOA if you're wondering. I never intended to stop writing and posting here every week. Time just seems to pass by so horribly quickly, leaving me in a tailspin. I'd always heard a phrase in clichéd conversations or films discussing how ''Life got in the way.'' This is truly the first time I can genuinely utter those words with conviction.

My last post on August 23rd marked the end to a long and tedious chapter. Instantly, a new chapter was written in my copper plate handwriting. The last 'chapter' was at least two years long, aptly named The Leaving Cert Experience. This chapter of my life is a dramatic change and shift from the previous one. I'd like to call this one, The College Life Experience. The last chapter is ultimately the prequel to this chapter of my life, which I see unfurling with new adventures and memories on a daily basis.

This new life, is parallel to the life I led twelve months ago. This time last year I was sitting in my bedroom cramming for exams which decided everything I wanted in life. Now, I'm sitting in my room, in Limerick. I'm still studying, but I'm in college pursuing the course of my dreams. It took so much to get to this position but oh my, it was worth every second.

As I walk in the crunchy leaves near the Library with newly made friends to lectures, I can see my younger self in an ecstasy of peace and serenity at the acceptance of being, happy. A glance in a window and I see my younger self, her dreams are coming true after all these years. She never thought it would happen, but it has.

 A week of Orientation translated with ease into several weeks of lectures. All the while, in the midst of this newly found chaos, I still checked on my blog. I read other bloggers posts and I still posted on Twitter and Instagram. I still did everything except type words onto my own blog. The weeks sped past, the Summer which I spent waiting for, evaporated with the brief heat that arrived for a while. The rush of maroon, gold, orange and green appeared on the trees on the bus home every weekend.

A little voice would whisper, ''It's time to write the next chapter.''
I ignored it. I boldly decided to throw myself into this new world, utterly forgetting about my Internet life. Being so distracted by life is a foreign concept for me, especially not having the time to write all these new memories down.

I've made wonderful friends so far on my course. The past eight weeks have been filled with wonderful memories and I honestly don't know where to start. My mind is filled with so many evenings of my friends and I giggling in our rooms and everywhere. This blog post was always going to be a long post which has to cram so much of my new life into paragraphs and photographs.

I realise that I never posted about my Debs, The Sibling's Graduation (and subsequent emigration) as well as starting college. I hope to write another post detailing those in due course. They too deserve their own story.

For now, I'll start with this. Every chapter needs an introduction, I'm back again. 

Aveen 

Daydreaming And Forgetting Yourself

It's crazy to believe that it's the month of August already. The summer has passed by with incredible speed, leaving me feeling overwhelmed in its wake. 2015 is steaming by, which consistently shocks me as I mark off another day on the calendar. I believe that I have spent the majority of the summer so far simply waiting for warm, balmy weather to arrive. Which it hasn't achieved so far.

The summer has been, to quote John Montague, a ''drama of unevent.'' In previous years, this would have irritated me yet now, it thrills me. To have the ability to simply rest and read a couple of chapters of my favourite book in the evenings, without the feeling of worry or dread due to pending study is wonderfully peaceful. I am happily content to spend my time going for walks, reading and daydreaming about everything or anything.

Walking in the evenings, with weak sunshine shining on my face, I smile and reflect on the days of summer so far. The weather has been far from perfect. immediately after the exams there was a warm spell which left as abruptly as it arrived. It was a shame in all honesty, I'm looking a little pale as of late.

The Leaving Cert results day is Wednesday August 12th. I turned my calendar onto the month of August, shuddering as I saw my own handwriting with ''Results Day'' written down for a day that has been awaited with baited breath since June 18th. I promise that I'm trying to avoid discussing or thinking about that day, when I receive an extremely important piece of paper. However dwelling on the possibilities of what the future holds isn't an easy activity to avoid. For the time being, I shall just take a deep breath and try prevent the waves of anxiety and fear from sweeping over me as days stretch into new days.

I think I know why they're called ''waves of anxiety.'' Going to bed after scratching another day off on my calendar, leaves me open to wave after wave of fear and nerves hitting my system. Extending from my lungs to my mind, these waves seem to both metaphorically and physically cause unease and fear. Choked breaths and shaking hands seem to fill the room as I search desperately for a book or music to send the waves away. For a little while at least. The closer the day gets, the more frustrated and desperate the distractions become.

For once, one of my frequent distractions isn't blogging. My current distractions are music, reading, Netflix, writing in one of my many notebooks, playing meaningless apps on my phone and walking.
As I shake like a leaf in Autumn, I realise how vital is it for me to keep myself distracted.

There are some days when forgetting ourselves, if only for a little while, is utterly necessary. To be free, breathe fresh air in your lungs. To forget all of those seemingly unsolvable or anxiety fuelled problems, even if it's for an hour or two.

 As the last few days waiting for Results approaches, I can feel my heart rate accelerate and my breathing become ragged and tense. I close my eyes and breathe in deeply. In the words of the poet Sylvia Plath, 

''Let be, let be''  

I will be brave and try keep my nerve. I was told something interesting a few weeks ago. To cut a long story short, we must always keep our nerve, as there is always something out there in the future that will make us nervous and terrified, particularly with regards to the next step and direction that our lives take. We must not lose our nerve for surely something just as nervewracking will surely follow suit. 

Aveen