A Two Month Gap & Start of Everything New

Hey Everyone,

It's been a long time. I haven't forgotten about TRLOA if you're wondering. I never intended to stop writing and posting here every week. Time just seems to pass by so horribly quickly, leaving me in a tailspin. I'd always heard a phrase in clichéd conversations or films discussing how ''Life got in the way.'' This is truly the first time I can genuinely utter those words with conviction.

My last post on August 23rd marked the end to a long and tedious chapter. Instantly, a new chapter was written in my copper plate handwriting. The last 'chapter' was at least two years long, aptly named The Leaving Cert Experience. This chapter of my life is a dramatic change and shift from the previous one. I'd like to call this one, The College Life Experience. The last chapter is ultimately the prequel to this chapter of my life, which I see unfurling with new adventures and memories on a daily basis.

This new life, is parallel to the life I led twelve months ago. This time last year I was sitting in my bedroom cramming for exams which decided everything I wanted in life. Now, I'm sitting in my room, in Limerick. I'm still studying, but I'm in college pursuing the course of my dreams. It took so much to get to this position but oh my, it was worth every second.

As I walk in the crunchy leaves near the Library with newly made friends to lectures, I can see my younger self in an ecstasy of peace and serenity at the acceptance of being, happy. A glance in a window and I see my younger self, her dreams are coming true after all these years. She never thought it would happen, but it has.

 A week of Orientation translated with ease into several weeks of lectures. All the while, in the midst of this newly found chaos, I still checked on my blog. I read other bloggers posts and I still posted on Twitter and Instagram. I still did everything except type words onto my own blog. The weeks sped past, the Summer which I spent waiting for, evaporated with the brief heat that arrived for a while. The rush of maroon, gold, orange and green appeared on the trees on the bus home every weekend.

A little voice would whisper, ''It's time to write the next chapter.''
I ignored it. I boldly decided to throw myself into this new world, utterly forgetting about my Internet life. Being so distracted by life is a foreign concept for me, especially not having the time to write all these new memories down.

I've made wonderful friends so far on my course. The past eight weeks have been filled with wonderful memories and I honestly don't know where to start. My mind is filled with so many evenings of my friends and I giggling in our rooms and everywhere. This blog post was always going to be a long post which has to cram so much of my new life into paragraphs and photographs.

I realise that I never posted about my Debs, The Sibling's Graduation (and subsequent emigration) as well as starting college. I hope to write another post detailing those in due course. They too deserve their own story.

For now, I'll start with this. Every chapter needs an introduction, I'm back again. 

Aveen 

Leaving Cert Results and CAO Offers

Hey Everyone!

I have been so incredibly busy as of late that I haven't had the opportunity to post here lately. I'll be writing several updates throughout the next couple of weeks. If you follow my Twitter or Instagram, you probably know why I have been so erratic this month.

On Wednesday August 12th, a day which I had waited for and feared eventually arrived. It was the Leaving Cert results day. To say I was nervous was an understatement. The sun may have been shining yet, as I walked into my school, it might as well have been a cold, dark morning in Winter. The walk, one I travelled everyday for six years, was excruciatingly long. I kept my head down as I passed screaming friends, phones in one hand and ripped brown envelopes in the other.

My heart was thumping in my chest, I genuinely felt the world spinning as my hand pulled the handle of the door into Reception. I feared the worst. Recalling my emotions after every exam, I was relieved and happy with my performance in all of them, except German. The niggling doubt had set in a few days previously and reached it's all time height as I saw the stacks of brown envelopes that awaited me.

Taking a deep breath, I joined the queue for my long-awaited and feared results. The envelope with my name was quickly found by the Principal, handed over with a handshake and a smile. I can recall thinking, ''If the Principal is smiling, I hope to God that the hard work paid off.''

Hands sweaty and shaking, I fled outside to open my results, terrified of prying eyes, judgemental stares and smirks. With cool hands, I ripped open the seal of the envelope, slowing revealing the results which I had worked, studied and crammed for two years to get. Saying a silent prayer to anyone listening, I peeked at the results.

''Irish - Honours - A2
English - Honours - A2''

I didn't look at the other five results for several seconds, gulping with delight and shock. Yet again, my hands shook. Inhaling deeply once more, I whipped the paper out entirely. Two further A2's in History and Ag Science, two B2's in Business and even German (an exam I nearly cried leaving) and finally a B1 in Maths (I dropped to ordinary, which ultimately was the best decision despite what my peers thought)

I grabbed my phone from my handbag, calculating the points. 90... 90.... I kept pressing the buttons until, with another deep breath, I clicked 'calculate'. The number 520 appeared on screen.
''Surely this can't be right,'' I whispered. ''I must have calculated this wrong''

After several recounts by myself and The Sibling, it was confirmed. I had just gotten 520 points in my Leaving Cert - without the 25 bonus points craved by so many. The texts and copious phone calls by my Mam and Dad to my relatives began.

All I really remember is whispering to myself, uttering the words, ''I did it, I actually did it'' several times. If I'm honest, it didn't really sink in for several days. I was on a high. I met up with my friends, who were all also delighted with their results. We had all achieved more than we needed for our courses.

The atmosphere was filled with laughter, relief and elation. All the hard work had actually paid off. We all succeeded. With an adrenaline filled giggle, the realisation that our dreams were starting to come true, hit us hard. The photos began, speaking to our teachers and our other friends.

In true celebratory style, the girls and I went for cupcakes and pink lemonade. In between discussions of the debs, CAO offers and finding accommodation, our phones beeped and pinged continuously, receiving texts and phones from relatives in true Irish style. The Leaving Cert consumes the nation as practically everyone knows someone who sat the gruelling exams the previous June.

Grace being the ever supportive friend! Note the lamb with the flower crown - amazing. 

The following Monday the CAO offers were released. CAO basically process all the results and give you an offer based on the courses you applied for. I have wanted to study primary teaching ever since I was in primary school, so primary teaching in Mary Immaculate College was my first choice on my CAO. 

The CAO opened at 6 am on Monday. With baited breath I logged into my account to see an offer from Mary Immaculate College for primary teaching! In that moment, I knew all the hard work and struggles were worth it. I could feel all my worries from over the years lift off me.

Here's my acceptance of my CAO offer - at four minutes past six. I had run into my parents room, shaking and screaming with happiness at 6.02 before I accepted my offer. 

So that's all about my LC results and CAO offer! I'm genuinely still on a high, to know that all of my study paid off is the most wonderful and liberating feeling I have possessed in a long time. If you got your results and an offer, congrats and I wish you the very best on the next stage of your life. We'll walk this new road together. 

The next blog post I'll be writing will be about my debs! Keep an eye out!

Stay Strong, Happy & Fearless!
Aveen xx

Daydreaming And Forgetting Yourself

It's crazy to believe that it's the month of August already. The summer has passed by with incredible speed, leaving me feeling overwhelmed in its wake. 2015 is steaming by, which consistently shocks me as I mark off another day on the calendar. I believe that I have spent the majority of the summer so far simply waiting for warm, balmy weather to arrive. Which it hasn't achieved so far.

The summer has been, to quote John Montague, a ''drama of unevent.'' In previous years, this would have irritated me yet now, it thrills me. To have the ability to simply rest and read a couple of chapters of my favourite book in the evenings, without the feeling of worry or dread due to pending study is wonderfully peaceful. I am happily content to spend my time going for walks, reading and daydreaming about everything or anything.

Walking in the evenings, with weak sunshine shining on my face, I smile and reflect on the days of summer so far. The weather has been far from perfect. immediately after the exams there was a warm spell which left as abruptly as it arrived. It was a shame in all honesty, I'm looking a little pale as of late.

The Leaving Cert results day is Wednesday August 12th. I turned my calendar onto the month of August, shuddering as I saw my own handwriting with ''Results Day'' written down for a day that has been awaited with baited breath since June 18th. I promise that I'm trying to avoid discussing or thinking about that day, when I receive an extremely important piece of paper. However dwelling on the possibilities of what the future holds isn't an easy activity to avoid. For the time being, I shall just take a deep breath and try prevent the waves of anxiety and fear from sweeping over me as days stretch into new days.

I think I know why they're called ''waves of anxiety.'' Going to bed after scratching another day off on my calendar, leaves me open to wave after wave of fear and nerves hitting my system. Extending from my lungs to my mind, these waves seem to both metaphorically and physically cause unease and fear. Choked breaths and shaking hands seem to fill the room as I search desperately for a book or music to send the waves away. For a little while at least. The closer the day gets, the more frustrated and desperate the distractions become.

For once, one of my frequent distractions isn't blogging. My current distractions are music, reading, Netflix, writing in one of my many notebooks, playing meaningless apps on my phone and walking.
As I shake like a leaf in Autumn, I realise how vital is it for me to keep myself distracted.

There are some days when forgetting ourselves, if only for a little while, is utterly necessary. To be free, breathe fresh air in your lungs. To forget all of those seemingly unsolvable or anxiety fuelled problems, even if it's for an hour or two.

 As the last few days waiting for Results approaches, I can feel my heart rate accelerate and my breathing become ragged and tense. I close my eyes and breathe in deeply. In the words of the poet Sylvia Plath, 

''Let be, let be''  

I will be brave and try keep my nerve. I was told something interesting a few weeks ago. To cut a long story short, we must always keep our nerve, as there is always something out there in the future that will make us nervous and terrified, particularly with regards to the next step and direction that our lives take. We must not lose our nerve for surely something just as nervewracking will surely follow suit. 

Aveen 

''The Water Filled My Lungs, I Screamed So Loud But No One Heard A Thing''

Hey Everyone!

I realised it has been a while since I have written a detailed lifestyle post. The past couple of weeks have been utterly hectic. I had a solid week of Mocks exams, followed by a week of Midterm. I was quite tired, after the exams. It is true to say that having ten exams in five days in incredibly draining.

Overall, I am happy enough with my Mocks. At this precise moment, the week of the Mocks seemed to be a blur of cramming, anxiety and drinking lots of water during the exams. I never knew how quickly three hours and more could pass by! We'll receive our results in the coming weeks, fingers crossed I'm on the right track.

Enough about Mocks! I had an entire week off, an absolutely luxury. My teachers told us our homework was to, 'relax.' which I did. I kept a low-profile during the week, mainly staying at home and watching Game Of Thrones. I finished Season 4 last Friday morning and I still feel devoid of emotion as Season 5 isn't starting until April 13th. I will remain strong.

I also went to Dundrum to a blogger meet up! You can read about it here. The afternoon was fantastic and it was surreal meeting such lovely girls! Squad goals occurred. Apart from the trip to Dundrum, I did little else. The day we received our holidays I was interviewed by The Sunday Times about selfie sticks, it didn't appear in the newspaper but it was a hilarious phone call and interview!

I also received correspondence from some colleges/Universities that I applied to through CAO. I received an email or two, as well as a gorgeous letter from UL (where my brother goes!) I don't really plan on going to UL but it is still an option for me if I want to. All the same, the paper and the embossed logo were just stunning and the letter was so pretty.

Grace and I met up over the week and had an AwkwardSprinkles day. We were too busy chatting and laughing to actually film anything sadly so AwkwardSprinkles won't be returning just yet. I filmed another Letters to the Leaving Cert video, this time about the Mocks. It's a nice little series I think. It documents my last year in secondary school as well as the ups and downs that are an integral part of the year. I don't have as much time to brainstorm for eccentric videos but I like having the series as a way of keeping up YouTube. You can see the latest video here 

Photos from my week

AwkwardSprinkles!

Selfie with some calves. I have no regrets, they were lovely.

Starbucks in Dundrum !

I got bored on Snapchat and send a few random snaps ...

#Deep

Costa with Grace. Caramel lattes are just beautiful.

Watching Danisnotonfire's latest video about #NicerInternet. Definitely worth a watch.

I decided to clean my desk after the Mocks. 

After much hardship, my desk became extremely tidy again!

So that's about it from me, did you have an enjoyable Midterm? Let me know in the comments below!

Stay Strong, Happy & Fearless!
Aveen 

Lyrics; Taylor Swift - Clean

''She Ran Away To Chase Her Dreams, And They Said She Wouldn't Make It Far.''

Hey Everyone!

As you may know, it's been nearly two weeks since I last posted here. I genuinely do have reason(s) for this, however the main one is just Sixth Year/Leaving Cert. I always knew it was going to be a gruelling and difficult year, especially when you choose to do all Honours subjects.

Most nights now consist of going home from school, starting my homework, dinner, back to homework and study, sleep and repeat. There have been days where I haven't touched my laptop and just check some notifications in the morning on my phone running out the door.

I've also developed a wonderful coffee addiction. I was expecting this to happen, after all when you study/do homework for 4+ hours each night, you do need a nice dose of caffeine. So now each morning begins with dragging myself to get a cup of coffee (2 shots) which still doesn't quite make me feel awake for some reason.

I do occasionally leave my bedroom by the way, last Sunday I travelled to Limerick city.
My brother goes to the University there and I plan hopefully to study in another college in the city too. We visited UL and Mary Immaculate College, for primary teaching. (Bonus points if you figured out what I want to do!)  As my brother has attended the Uni for a number of years, we've made frequent trips to Limerick (despite taking over 3 hours to get there!)

While we visited, the 'Granny' was also there. The streets were absolutely covered in confetti and as the All-Ireland hurling final was that day, there was a lot of Tipperary jerseys (#TippToWinTheReplay #AnyoneButKilkenny) We also went to one of my favourite places, Penneys! I'll have a Autumn Haul pretty soon, so stay tuned for that!

The photos below are from my trip to Limerick, there was also meant to be a photo of a horse on the green grass area of a housing estate in Limerick which unfortunately didn't upload (probably because it's a stereotype of what Limerick is supposedly like)

Sitting in campus in UL 

Sorry for how brief this post is, I just wanted to write SOMETHING as soon as I could. I have two further blog posts for the next few days planned so check my Twitter for updates! 

Stay Strong, Happy and Fearless!
Aveen xx

PS, you know you are a Leaving Cert student when all the LC Meme's and accounts follow you on Twitter! How terrifying. 

Lyrics: 5 Seconds of Summer ~ Social Casualty