''Free And Young And We Can Feel None Of It''

Hey Everyone!

This is my first lifestyle blog post of the year! I can't honestly comprehend how quickly the year has been so far. I never quite realised that ten days could pass by in such a hasty fashion. I went back to school this week, which was in one word, traumatising.

I started the week by contracting tonsillitis, exactly what a Sixth Year needs on their first day back after Christmas! I woke up at 2.30 am, struggling to swallow anything and in general agony. I went to the doctor at 7 am, got some medicine (I nearly said the Irish word, help) and went onto school at 9 am. Many people thought I was insane (I could barely talk) but when you're in Leaving Cert there is genuinely nothing you can do but stick it out. missing out on valuable classes is truly not an option.

I managed through school, it was the first time since I had fatigue late last year that I felt back to normal in school, both physically and academically. I'm academically back where I was before I was absent which is such a relief, considering how close the Mocks are. . .

I don't really want to talk about the Mocks as this week I realised it's around a month until them and each time I think about them, my throat tightens and my heart thumps with worry and stress. This week the Leaving Cert timetable was released, which I swiftly printed out and stuck at my study desk as one of my 'motivating pieces'

I realise I've never talked about my 'motivating pieces' at my study desk! They are random things to keep me motivated and determined to achieve the best I can in the exams. For example, one is a quote of ''She turned her can't into cans and her dreams into plans' as I want and desire for the same to happen. Another is a poster of the college I want to attend, a letter from said college, the Leaving Cert timetable and also a small photo of me aged twelve.

A photo of myself you ask? It sounds weird doesn't it? It's not out of vanity (trust me I wasn't the most photogenic twelve year old) It's a passport sized photo and it was taken when I was in Sixth Class, so I'm wearing my primary school uniform in it. I keep it at my desk so whenever I feel like giving up studying or feel frustrated with study, I look at the photo of 'the little girl' and I know - I need- to make this little girl proud of who I have become. It's an incentive to be the best I possibly can be. It's based on the quote, ''If you spoke to your ten year old self, would they be proud?''  I want that little girl to know that I'm trying my utmost to achieve the dreams we share for the future.

I also paid my deposit on accommodation at the college I want to attend, which was a mentally daunting experience. It's all becoming very real indeed. For years I've dreamt of going to college to do something I've always wanted to do. Now, it's all coming into place and I should be thrilled, but I'm utterly petrified at the same time. Time is going by so quickly I'm worried I'll fall behind, or something is going to happen and it'll all be over. I'm determined to keep studying and learning as intensely as ever, there's only six months left of this Leaving Cert and I'm focused on making it the best experience I can.

Everyone in school is generally talking about Leaving Cert timetables, Debs and of course Mocks. We were sitting at the bench at lunch when a GAA lad threw a ball of tinfoil at us, leading to the question of ''Who threw that?'' being raised by a friend of mine. I swiftly replied that it was 'The Peasants' which, in all honestly, led to dirty looks and raised eyebrows all round. Am I sorry? Not at all. In all honesty, if you comment pure and utter spam on my blog for no reason whatsoever, you should really realise that you're not a saint who's untouchable and shouldn't be offended by a mild word in comparison to what you have commented here.

I also hope to make another 'Letters to the Leaving Cert' video in the coming weeks, maybe the midterm after the Mocks? I've gotten some really positive feedback on the videos which is always a bonus! Even if they were ''so sad'' but it's a roller coaster of a year full of ups and downs, I just have to focus on the positives.

Photos from my week!

My advice on life.

Some weird snaps I sent to Grace.

The epitome of my life as of late.

*cries in the corner*

Let us pray indeed.

My Godmother gave me the cutest Christmas present ever, in particular this mug with the yummiest hot chocolate! Thank you :D

I finished this last week. I've always been a massive fan of the Shopaholic series, I'm so excited for the next book! 

Stay Strong, Happy & Fearless!

                                                                       Aveen xx

*Lyrics: Hozier - Sedated.
Definitely one of my favourite songs at the moment, whenever I have spare time I have his album on repeat!

Struggles And Reality Of Being A Leaving Cert Student.

I thought it was about time to finally post after a fortnight interval.

I feel I should be honest and explain my inactivity on my blog as of late. With the stresses of being a Leaving Cert student, I've found it quite difficult to scrape together some time to sit down and tap away on my laptop like I usually do every week. There seems to be so many other ideas and problems that consume any spare time I do happen to possess and I honestly despise that.

The week before Midterm was quite simply a nightmare. Multiple tests in all my subjects, short deadlines for essays and tonnes of material to be revised, I found it difficult to breathe without feeling anxiety consume my lungs, let alone justify several hours to type on my laptop about things that I felt were so completely insignificant and false in comparison to all the work and study I was doing.

Thankfully all that is behind me. I doubted myself far too much and believed I hadn't done any work since coming back to school. In fact, it was my need and desire to have everything practically word-perfect from my notes that caused me so much stress. I had 10 sets of sraithpictiúr to learn and if they weren't word perfect, well I recited them for hours until they were.

It's officially midterm and so far, I've completed three out of the five essays I was given as part of my week's work. I feel relieved but I won't fully relax until everything is finished. I want to have a few days, an utter luxury, to relax and do NOTHING. I crave mornings where I wake up, with no anxiety or nerves in my stomach, worried about study and work still left to do. I just want a few days just to have fun and live, on my terms.

I'm planning on finishing the rest of my written school work tomorrow and relaxing for the rest of the week. I've had several drafts of incomplete blog posts knocking around my blog for several weeks, either due to a lack of time to add 'polish' to them or I was simply terrified about posting them as they involved real-life incident and my feelings. How terrifying indeed.

I'm also a little annoyed. I had five tests in the space of three short days and studied for all of them. The fourth test, first thing on a Friday was maths. I've double maths on a Friday morning. Maths is quite simply my Achille's heel in comparison to my other subjects.  As a result, I've a huge fear of having maths tests. I mean, a huge fear. As in my other subjects I can learn off the material and regurgitate it in words on paper, I find them much, much easier. Maths, however is a whole different ball game.

However I've made a special effort to not miss any maths tests (or any tests) in either Fifth or Sixth Year. My belief is that you can't skip a day or pretend your sick on the day of your Leaving Cert so why bother do it in school time, instead of learning from your mistakes and owning up to the fact that you aren't comfortable with the topic of the test and should try harder at learning it? I never get A's in maths but I try my best (If you're wondering, I am in Higher Level) and always try scrape an honour in the tests. But it bugs me when people skip the tests out of laziness, yet appear in school later in the day, once the test is over. I honestly find that so cowardly. That sounds horribly blunt but if you want to be in the Higher Level classes you have to do the work, not just sit there and look pretty and brag about being in Honours. School is for doing work and working hard, not to make excuses.

I know that statement will most likely get a negative reaction and probably a few glares and upturned noses when I'm back in school, however, I feel it's the truth. It's better to accept your weaknesses early in play, rather when it's after the mocks and there's little time to rectify your mistakes. I'm not comfortable on certain topics of maths (Trig, ew) so I've brought home my exam papers and book in an effort to try improve  those questions, as well as a general brush up on all the topics.

That goes for all my subjects, not just maths. I read over my notes in various subjects frequently, particularly business and ag science. Soon the information becomes common knowledge to you, not just something crammed into your brain to last for a revision test your teacher sets you.

Being in Leaving Cert isn't great. In all honesty, it's quite awful at times. However, I'm only stuck here doing all this work and study until June. After that, the world is our oyster. We can do whatever we want. You can travel the world, go to college, whatever your heart desires. I find that thought comforting in the midst of writing an essay on the weakness of human judgement as seen in Shakespeare's play Othello. (Ps. I reckon it's how gullible and easily led Othello is that leads him to follow and become ensnared in Iago's Machiavellian scheming and to his ultimate downfall in killing Desdemona, based on his over-reliance on 'honest and just Iago.')

Don't worry, I will be posting frequently this week and will most likely be a lot more positive than this. I found that once I talk about what's playing on my mind, blogging in a light hearted becomes far easier to do.

Stay Strong, Happy & Fearless!

Aveen xx

Ps, I'm going to Penneys/Primark during the week so I will be posting a haul. 

The return of Sprinkles that can be Awkward may be imminent. Watch this space. 

Tick, tock, goes the clock.