The Random Life Of Aveen: Facing Fears

Tuesday, 29 October 2013

Now Is The Most Interesting Time Of All

Hey Everyone!

Apologies for being late with my blog post this week. It's Mid Term this week thankfully, however I was given simply tonnes of homework for the week! Thank you very much teachers, you're all far too kind. But on the bright side, I've finished most of the work already, all I have left is my public speaking speech, like 2 maths questions and revision, woop!

So how was my week you ask? Well...
It was a somewhat stressful start to the week. On Monday I had like three tests in the first few classes. First up was Irish, where I had to write two 2 A4 pages about why Lisín was the main character of Hurlamaboc (I came up with a far more accurate term for this short story, which I probably shouldn't mention, seeing as it's quite rude) The test went really well for me and I got a mark I wasn't expecting (An A, first time ever in Irish) Afterwards it was a history essay test given to both history classes, to decide who will be in which class. I had studied Lenin and Stalin in lots of detail and briefly revised Mussolini. You can guess which person the question was about.. Mussolini! Wahey!

To add to the stresses of exams that day. I walked up to my locker and discovered I had forgotten my locker keys! Yay! So I had to phone my Mam and ask her to bring them down (which she did, 5 minutes before class) Usually when I'm on the phone to my Mam I'm very panicky and anxious because, well, I call her when it's an emergency! This time however, I think I probably fractured my motivation and I was ''so done'' with Monday and it was only 8.30 in the morning. Fun times.

The rest of the week was much calmer, some teachers were absent but left work, which I didn't mind to be honest. The week was fairly quiet, I visited my Nana twice during the week (Best grandchild ever) Soon Friday rolled around, time seems to go by slowly when I'm wishing for the opposite. I had free double Maths and I wrote a small blog post about a quote in my journal. Ironically the last thing I've written as I think I have Writer's Block again. Marvellous.

''Last night I was flicking through my school journal, every week there is a quote on the top of the page. As you may know, I am positively obsessed with quotes and their advice and meanings. There was one quote in particular that had a profound effect on me.

''Now is the most interesting time of all''

It is a simple sentence, with a powerful and effective meaning. Perhaps that's what startled me so much. My interpretation of the quote is reflective of my life path at the moment.

''Now'' for me is from this minute, until I sit my last Leaving Cert exam in June 2015. It feels like a marathon of hurdles I must overcome to reach my goal, my dreams and my ambitions for my future. My future, what I want, what I desire.

''Now'' is when I make the possibly life altering decisions. What I'm afraid of most is, that I will not achieve those goals. That all these years of work will be in vain. It's a terrifying and panic inducing thought. What terrified me most however is, NOW, is the time that decides this. I'm plagued by fear and a crippling anxiety that, something's going to happen, that I'm going to slip up somewhere between now and my Leaving Cert year (2015)

It is all focused on Now, and how I play my cards. This, supposedly is the most interesting time of all. It doesn't feel like it. Walking around school like a zombie, bags under my eyes from a lack of sleep that no make-up could ever cover. See there was an exam or two to study for.. I don't find that interesting. A nicer term to describe a generation of people with tired, lifeless and prematurely aged eyes and stress and anxiety levels higher than Mt Everest is just, sad.

A generation of genius' yes, but also a generation plagued by fear in our hearts. A fear of not ''living up to our potential'', that we will be the person who had it all, had a bright future.. but messed up. I promise you all, and myself, I don't want to be that person. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. I guess now is a time to start doing something, because, now is the most interesting time of all apparently.

Hope you enjoyed that and aren't filled with too much guilt over not doing homework (like me)

Stay Strong, Happy and Fearless,

Aveen xx

PS. I will be doing a bonus blog post about HALLOWEEN!! Stay tuned! xx

Saturday, 5 October 2013

Tayto Park, Zip Wires, Slushies and Shouting at Maths Equations!

Hey Everyone!

So it's been another rather bonkers week in The Life Of Me. I posted a VERY brief update on Thursday during a free study class (when I should have been doing maths homework but priorities) So I'll be telling you about what's been happening and how at this moment in time I'm buzzing with adrenaline, excitement and happiness, a rarity indeed.

So on Friday, I had my usual classes, double maths followed by Irish, break, German, Business, English, lunch, History and finally Ag Science. A fun Friday (sarcasm is dripping in this sentence) No I must admit I like my teachers and they're all brilliant so the classes are fine. However I get many comments because I'm studying Ag Science, which is supposedly for ''farmers sons'' and nobody else. However, my uncle has a farm and I have a genuine interest in the subject, I never knew learning about sheep would be interesting (lambs need to be fed at least 1 litre of colostrum within 24 hours of being born, random fact of the day there for you!)

Enough about Ag Science for now, I've over 20 pages of notes to learn so you might hear more about the subject in the future. In English we had a free class (substituted by my maths teacher funnily enough) and my English teacher had already told us what work to do. Suddenly my maths teacher says to us in this monotone voice that we also had a four page essay. My jaw literally dropped and I thought the class was going to riot, thankfully he was only joking. I nearly cried though, I need a few days notice to mentally prepare myself for an essay!

When I got home on Friday I was doing my maths homework which was simultaneous equations, which are easy, but with three variables! DUN DUN DUN, my OCD was showing. I got so irritated with one of the questions that I literally started shouting at it. To be honest, it's not the first time I've started shouting at a maths question, every day since Third Year it's practically happened! Don't judge me!

After school on Friday I went to Spleodar, or in other words, Irish Club. I go every week for a couple of hours on a Friday where we all speak Irish, play games and basically have '' a bit of craic!'' and every year each club in the country meets up somewhere, this year we went to Tayto Park!

I had actually never been to Tayto Park until today, but it was brilliant. Our club was split into smaller groups and I was with seven other girls who I knew. We were allowed to go on two activities, we chose the Zip Wire and The Sky Walk.

This all seems fine until I realised something, I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS. I have an insane fear of heights, the dark, claustrophobia, failure, dogs (yes really) and more. So I was walking up the building (below is a photo) and I was thinking, in Irish, I'm scared of heights! Tá eagla orm faoi airde! Oh mo Dhiaidh. (Oh my God) but the girls were great and I did it! I went on the Zip Wire with Saoirse and I loved every second of it! We landed and I was literally shaking from the adrenaline!

Afterwards we went for lunch and went back to the Sky Walk. We were given the option of going high, medium or low. I decided, ''Oh everyone else is going on the high one, I might as well too!'' Oh Aveen, you're scared of heights haven't you realised this? So I went on that, and it was literally like in a movie, the ropes started shaking and at times I couldn't reach them, but I got through it, with a lot of deep breaths and reassurances.

I finally believed the phrase I read in Divergent by Veronica Roth, "Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it."
I can't become fearless, what is the point of life if there's nothing to frighten you or make you reflect differently on life events? Life is boring if we did not have any emotions, including fear, it's what makes us possess our shreds of humanity. I can't be fearless, nobody is perfect, we have to appreciate our flaws and not less them posses us and destroy our inner selves. Having fears makes us unique beings and who we truly are.

However, in short seconds of life, we can become fearless. It is in these moments we keep our fears under control and are no longer oppressed by them. I think we should live for these fleeting moments, let them consume us and possibly, maybe, actually become truly fearless, should being fearless in every minute of our lives be possible.

So I'm going to stick with saying ''Stay Strong, Happy and Fearless'' in every blog post, I'll be referring to not letting your fears hinder or oppress you from achieving your dreams. If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough, you aren't dreaming big enough, or allowing yourself achieve your utmost potential.

Be fearless in the smallest moments of life, and you will feel invincible.

Some Photos From My Week!